Growing In My Heart

Everyone knows I suffer from infertility, I don't hide that aspect of my life from anyone as it is such a huge part of who I am. It is hard enough to endure this journey and I think not talking about it would be even harder and ultimately I hope to help those that are in the same situation. But that's not what I am writing about today. I am talking about taking that next step.... Fast forward almost four years and we have decided to make a turn on our path and go down the adoption route. We looked into donor eggs but the cost is prohibitive and even though I thought the same of adoption I have since learned it is possible.

I remember probably about 12 years ago I was involved in a discussion at work about adoption and I said I would totally do it! However, never did I see that as actual reality for me. Sooooo many people have said to me along the way, why don't you just adopt (mind you they all have their own biological children so in my mind I would think, yea easier said than done) and I just was not ready to do that.

We went to an adoption/foster orientation class and everyone kept saying they were called to adopt. Afterward I said to Scott, what was that all about, I certainly didn't feel that I was called by God to be an adoptive mother. I realized this past weekend after we took our first aid/CPR class that in fact I was called to be an adoptive mother as just not anyone can choose this path and it takes a certain person to adopt someone else's child.

I'm not saying I am a saint and to be honest I am a selfish person and I see this as the ultimate lesson in being selfless. Loving someone that you did not conceive or form that bond while they were in the womb literally scares me but I know my heart is big enough to love that little person. I cried the day I received the preliminary approval and knew I was on the right path and I now know I am all in and so ready and willing. I can't wait to see my husband as a father and to finally have our own little family. My baby may not be growing in my womb but they are currently growing in my heart. I love you so much little one and I can't wait to hold you in my arms forever.