When I first started this blog I thought it would be a fun outlet for the fashion side of me, I'm not the best writer but I didn't look at it as a money maker or anything like that. This blog is just a way to share my fashion insight.
Starting tomorrow, Sunday April 19, is National Infertility Awareness Week so I thought I would go off topic and share my story. In the event you are on this same journey, I just want to let you know that you are not alone.
My story begins in college where I had a hard time time adjusting as I had never been away from home for long and always experienced anxiety when I did have the opportunity to go to a camp or vacation with a friend. So I was now forced as a shy individual to make friends and I decided to look up clubs/organizations that I could join that might help in meeting others. One of them was headed up by a guy who I found out later was no longer an active club but I ended up developing a friendship with him. This friendship eventually went further than I wanted and resulted in date rape and I became pregnant. As any normal college girl, I panicked but when I went home a few weeks later and went to the Obgyn I learned that I had miscarried. I was ok with this outcome since this was not in my plan and obviously not conceived out of love.
I always envisioned that I would have a family, I didn't always long for a baby like I do now but I just knew it would be a part of my future. I will never forget the love I felt for my niece when I saw her as a newborn and can only imagine how great that love would be for my own child. I got off birth control about 5/6 years ago but then shortly met a bunch of girls and we were having so much fun that a baby had become less of a priority and hubby and I were ok with just the two of us. You start to become content with your life and don't feel as great of a need to change it (or so I thought). Over three years ago that all changed and I wanted to get serious about becoming a mother. The first month I was certain I would become pregnant (because I had already been pregnant so I never thought in a million years that it would be a problem) but when that didn't happen that month or any month after I began to experience a Great Depression. Every month my heart would just break into a million pieces and eventually I was unable to continue putting it back together. I then pushed away any friends or really anyone in my life away. I thought it was easier as no one wants to be around a depressed person. You learn to smile on the outside while dying on the inside. So here I was on this infertility journey with no one to turn to (or so I thought) until I started to meet a couple of people on this same path. I began to meet many others through social media and what a relief to find someone who knows exactly what you are going through. A blessing really!
I have learned many things through this process, I have experienced the greatest heartbreak but I have learned compassion for others, patience (still learning this one), hope and faith. It can test your faith in God but ultimately I know He has a plan for me and I have to trust that.
If you are a victim of this disease then I want you to know that you should never give up (harder to say than do) because you never know what is waiting for you around that next corner of life. And remember you are not alone even though most times you will feel you are. One in eight couples will experience infertility, I am 1 in 8.
